its 23:40, almost midnight, listening to some lofi music, while hearing the frog and cricket outside screaming lonely.
its almost 2 month I got layoff from prev company and it just hit me, I’m so fucking evil with people, I hate them, while they give me everything they could do, I understand they might be really not care about me, but I didn’t even give any response to the person, I feel so bad now, I feel stupid to not care with people in my team, people that want to close with me, people that I want to close with.
also I wanted to ask my friend “how are you” “are you already getting the job” “are you ok”, just can’t do it because I still struggle with this stupid head, and makes me always ALWAYS having panic attack.
well.
for my beloved friend that I worked with in the past
how are you ?
are you already getting the job ?
are you ok ?
I just want to tell you sorry for being such a hard cold bitch, and being a mean fucking shit.
I really care you guys.
I just can’t talk like a normal person.
my head is always racing with stupid violent thought.
good things I could repress that.
hey, how about we meet up later and talk.
really, I wanted to give you something.
yea I hope I could talk like that